Magic and Memories

Forgive me, but I must integrate this next journal with the end of a decade of magic and wonder, Harry Potter. Blame it on the hype, tell me off for believing so deeply in a children's story, or just sum it up to my obsession with Emma Watson, but however you spin it, the last movie marks an end to the last ten years of my life, and for that I have no apologies. 

The end of an era. It has given my mind a chance to reflect on what has transpired in those years, and to look forward to what is still to come. Anyone who hasn't wandered their early years eyes shut and ears closed have experienced similar phenomena with relics from their own childhood. So please hesitate in judging me Star Wars fanatics who still have light sabers buried deep in your closet. We know that you haven't been hoarding it all this time to pass on to your future son, or to sell as some "antique" when it's really "worth" something. Take off your not-as-dusty-as-it-should-be storm troopers helmet and listen to what I have to say.

Moments in our lives like these are rare. Often times overlooked, because they come to a close in the early stages of blooming adulthood. We are made to feel like these childish fantasies are made to stay just that, a children's story, to cast them into our deepest memory banks, left only for nostalgia. For how could something so pure and innocent hold any real truth in a world so vastly different and so indifferently cold? I pity people of this mindset. Closed off to any possibility that there could be a solution to a pandemic of suffering right under their nose, right in front of their eyes. A carrot dangling in front of them that will never lead to a greater understanding, because it is made invisible by arrogance and intolerance masked by a false image of wisdom and seniority. Talk about magic.

We have been conditioned to believe in the greater good set forth by our leaders. We succumb to that which we are made to believe by those who would never give the time of day to actually get to know us as equals. Scoff as you will, tell yourself you are above all of that nonsense, that you are learned and independent, that you choose to believe only that which you deem worthy and pertinent. If that is true, if you are really so above it all, what happened to the stories that you believed in so wholeheartedly as a child? Who knew you better than that cherished book you snuck out to read late under the covers, flashlight beaming almost as brightly as the hope and wonder that it sparked in your heart? Think about those books, remember those movies, ponder the truths and ideals that they so strongly instilled in you. Courage, bravery in the face of evil, compassion for those that you loathed so deeply, fervor for the great adventures of your life that wait ever so patiently for you to take charge… Would we really be that bad off if those were the things that we chose to believe in?  

P.S. Emma, if you are reading this, please call. I'll show you the real Elder Wand.

Fear

As I travel down a path of limitless potential and unbridled curiosity, a road that I've longed to travel for years, I still find myself held back by a fear far too familiar. On a quest to conquer death and loss, to make something beautiful out of what is thought to be not, I am greatly saddened by this thought. I watch the waves crash against the ferry as it takes me one step closer towards closure, to a peace that i have yet to feel, but as I stare, fear encompasses my thoughts like an old friend I wished not to have seen. My heart beat quickens and my feet grow restless, my hands begin to shake, and a sudden faintness overcomes me. Will this feeling ever subside? Will I be able to look at the water one day and feel a blissful calm, or will it always get the better of me? If I jump, if I throw caution to the wind and dive into the waters unknown, will I emerge devoid of the fear that once haunted me so, or will I panic, splashing and thrashing until I sink back into the depths that I have always known? To be fearful is human nature, it makes us unique and the same all at once. It breeds caution, it is a necessary component to our survival, but for those who know it well, for those who let it consume them and guide their every minute, their every thought, their lives become only that, survival. This world beholds an endless amount of unseen beauty, so much of which is right before our eyes. Fear has made me complacent. It has created a person in anguish over the knowledge of a free life, a life that seems to be constantly one step ahead, mocking me as it passes by. I'm ready to break free from these chains, to look fear in the eyes, to confront it with a fiery passion that it has yet to see from the prisoner that it has held captive for all this time. So i reach out, I take one step forward and jump, head first into that which strikes fear in my heart. I let the water wash over me, cold as ice, it chills every bone in my body. Frozen by terror I close my eyes, ready to sink into the darkness below, but with a strength unknown, I pull my head back to the surface. I gasp for air, every nerve in my body on fire, pleading to let it collapse back into the cold, but I refuse. I choose to bask in the glory of this wondrous life, rather than cower in the fear of the unknown. I swim to the shore, renewed with the strength and determination of a man held back by nothing. Fear is nothing. Fear is a figment of our imagination. Live in the absence of fear, dismiss it like it was never there, and follow your dreams. If you can't follow your dreams, what's the point?    

Jump. The unknown is waiting.

For the first time in 22 years I've found myself completely free to do absolutely anything my heart desires. Any change in the wind, any twinge of my heart strings, and I can follow without repercussion. It's an oddly daunting notion, but I can't help but feel indescribably invigorated. Can you remember the last time you had that feeling? I highly recommend trying, on a personal level, it's rather revolutionary. I see now why people travel here and simply never return. There is a majestic beauty that is in one moment awe inspiringly silent, but blink just one second, and you'll find your every sense engaged like never before. I think I want to marry it. I want to bottle it up and walk hand in hand with it into old age, so that when the pressures of this life become seemingly to much to bear, when darkness seems to shadow all, I can remind myself of this natural beauty that makes it hard not to believe that there is something out there greater than we could ever really understand. By opening my mind and my heart to this possibility, i have in return found a brand new world waiting for my next foot forward. Each day I wear less and less clothing, the goosebumps ignited across my skin by the brisk sea air is the most real thing I've felt in a very long time. It's funny how the things that once weighed heavy on our shoulders, the elements of life that we so aggressively prepared ourselves against, can in one instant become ingrained into who we are for forever more. No longer a burden, rather a friendship that will guide you into the greatest adventures of your life. Alaska, I am almost there. I'm knocking at your doorstep. As I gaze across the ocean that divides us I can taste you on my tongue, I am breathing your air, I can feel you whisper between my fingers. This heavenly smell in my lungs, I am home. Yours,

Ian Ferguson